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The Crunchy Yuppie Hyperlaunch

 

Mount a mountain bike and lose the paunch
It's time for the crunchy yuppie hyperlaunch
We'll live the life out of magazines
Capped grins and skins made of plasticene
Panacea of IKEA, answered prayer of Crate & Barrel
Wearing thermals dyed in earthtones from American Apparel
We'll both erase our carbon footprints, promise me that when I die
You'll bury me beneath the mountain at the flagship REI
The thing that makes me nervous is if Health and Human Services
Can't finance us to pay our rent on this condo or subsequent
If it's we must starve and suffer for the welfare of another
We'll be noble in our losses, come on, nail us to our crosses!
We'll both worship our espresso maker and our pressure cooker
We'll paint our condo's spackled walls red as the lipstick of a hooker
Every endeavor goes our way as if by heaven's fortune kissed
We even got our little rescue cat a psychotherapist 
Any small dream we might have had we put aside to pay our bills
Because to be another zombie on the march is what fulfills
If we'd persisted chasing all our foolish dreams we might have missed
All of the manifold rewards of the Compassionate Capitalist!